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#knowone is more beautiful! (Taken with instagram)
At the job. Is this new school blackface? Ijs (Taken with instagram)
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#knowone (Taken with instagram)
Sw……… Dapper! (Taken with instagram)
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I had the opportunity to read a very interesting blog about the objectification of the BLACK FEMALE PHYSIQUE. I became disgusted with myself, after an instance where my ADDICTION to staring at women’s ASSES stole my attention from the meditations of my morning stroll into the office. As I sat down at my desk, I immediately began to search the internet for some literature that might help me to begin to shed light on the deeper origins of my ( and many other men’s ) addictions to the fantasies of sex random sex with random women. I wanted to come to what I feel like might be a more healthy and respectable view of the female form. I, in my search stumbled upon the blog I mentioned earlier, and read it. I decided to post an excerpt from the resulting self exploration.
I have for most of my life been attracted to women that have had a very slim waste, thick thighs, and a very large plump ass. I honestly don’t know where my interest in that body type began. Perhaps it was B. Angie B of 357 in those biker shorts on the “Here Comes the Hammer” video. Or maybe it was #11 on LL Cool J’s 1989 “Walking With a Panther” album, entitle “Big Ole Butt”. “_____ got a big ole butt, i know i told you I’d be true, but ________ got a big ole butt, so Im leaving you. see ya”. The chorus in this song left no room for error in a 9 year old’s mind that a big butt was more desirable than a small one. From the moment where I began having erections, ones that were based on the fantasies swimming around in my head, the women in those fantasies have had very large ( almost out of proportion with the rest of their bodies ) asses.
A large contributing factor to this stigma, is my affinity for hip hop music and culture. I’m in my early 30’s now, and am fully ready to admit that hiphop is largely a misogynistic culture. It objectifies not only women’s bodies but also their minds. If we aren’t devoting entire songs to the flailing around and clapping of butt cheeks, then we are letting what I call “CONVENTIONAL NIGGA WISDOM” define for us just how lowdown, conniving, untrustworthy and disingenuous our women are. We write, perform, and listen to this music, live by these principles, and then expect to go out and find a woman built exactly like KiToi Johnson or Sheneka Adams and expect her to have the mental capacity to live up to the double standard that convicts her as a whore and expects her to be a nunn all at the same time. Sounds extreme??? That’s because it is.
I may be a bit more analytical than some of my friends, or maybe not… these are just my thoughts and where I’ve arrived. Don’t judge me……. PLEASE???!?!?!? I do enough of that myself. I, after a very volatile marriage and tumultuous divorce, a string of “not so good relationships”, and several encounters with several different types of BLACK women, have come to the point where I’m ready to let go of all the ideals created for me about what women should look and think like!
I’ve never dated outside of my race, and much of the reason why is because not many women of other races in the south, ( where I’ve spent most my life ), are built with any of those features. However, I’m in a relationship now with a woman, who is black, and who does not embody every feature of a video vixen. She wears natural hair, is fair skinned and has a Hollywood smile. Her eyes are the type that you invite to pierce your soul. Her booty is not the flat butt you might imagine. It’s round and petite and unobtrusive. Her waist is slim, and she looks good in a sweater. ( wink wink I love you baby ). Her body is most appealing to me in a blouse and pencil skirt with a nice pair of heels. I’ve described her appearance in an attempt to set up my next comment, which is that I have a heightened experience of sensuality and intimacy with her. I believe the prior fact to be true only because the woman I’m with has a healthier view of her own sexuality than some of the women who I’ve dated. She is fully aware of her own sexual nature, however she does NOT ( as many women do ), allow that sexuality to be at the forefront of her being. Her presentation is striking without being overtly or even purposefully sexual. As a result, she is, as sexy to me or sexier than, any woman I’ve seen. She turns me on in a different way… a way not simply CARNAL. A way that is not ONLY appealing to the BEAST that rests inside of me. I say that, not to say that the women that I described earlier could only inspire a lowly, less fulfilling level of attraction, but that I’d been so preoccupied with my attraction to those women and their asses that I hadn’t paid much attention to their minds or their characters. More importantly I had failed to make the discovery that these weren’t the only types of women that I could find myself enamored with. A mistake that I now believe is almost wholly why I could have ever tried to maintain a relationship with my now X wife!
It might me tempting upon reading this to think that I somehow value an ass and thin waste over any other body type a woman could possess. If you have arrived at that conclusion, then you have missed the point of why I’m taking time to write this blog post to begin with. I have come to realize that the images of objectified black women that I grew up exposed to, has marginalized what we as black men can see as sexy. it has also typecast our women and given them in some cases an impossible mark to measure up to. In some cases it has disqualified perfectly poised and esteemed accomplished, and beautiful black women from garnering the attention of equally esteemed and accomplished black men whom, together, might have otherwise made great couples. In lieu of the former scenario, the gentlemen I described goes on to look for the ideal as his EYES and fantasies have defined for him, and finds a woman who meets those standards, but who may or may not be composed of anything below the surface that would categorize her as a VIRTUOUS woman. He does so blindly, after having fallen prey to the traps he set for himself by allowing B.E.T. to define for him his ideals on black feminine sexy.
In conclusion, I’m setting out to change this and many other ways of my thinking. I have come to feel like a prisoner to the dimunitivity of my thoughts. Having hoped, all my life, for my existence in this world to ultimately amount to something I feel worth while………. I’ve realized that my own thoughts and consumptions are bigger barriers to the success of my endeavors than any other factors. This is but one of many aspects of my thinking that must either grow or die!
The link above ( click on the title ) is a female’s take on how our music and culture has affected our women’s sense of sexuality and self image. Its worth a read. As of this moment I have 4 followers .. so this blog is more for me to hear myself talk than it is to enlighten anyone but here it is!
Dedicated to #NegroGrowth